Comes Back Around
by QuasiOuster
Summary: AU Unending Story. Can things ever really be changed across time? In the lives of Daniel and Vala, it's impossible to know if you don't try.
1. Tomorrow Part 1

_**Author's Note: Greetings and thanks for opening up my little story. This has been in my head and partially written for many months and I'm just now feeling the impulse to get it out of my system. I'm back to E and N after I'm done with this but I'm sure you all understand how it goes when a story gets into your head and demands to be dressed up and paraded around town. **_

_**For reference, note that this story jumps around in time a bit. If you want to go with the flow without the temporal map, just skip this paragraph. This is my post-Unending Vala/Daniel story and it takes place in 3 parts: Yesterday refers to their time on the Odyssey; Today is immediately after time is righted; and Tomorrow is slightly in the future from that (about a week). Each chapter takes place in one of those time frames. **_

_**As always, I don't own any of these characters and I certainly don't intend to pursue any kind of profit or infringement from my meager dabblings. It's got some moments of harsh language and sexual situations but nothing too extreme.**_

_**Review if you're willing and let me know what you think. I have the best beta in the world and thank her immensely for encouraging my love for Vala and my crazy ideas about how to make her and Daniel a snug little couple. Thanks for reading!**_

**Tomorrow (Part One)**

"What are you trying to say Daniel," Vala sobbed as she stared at the man in front of her. He had a sheet of paper dangling from his shaking fingers, creased and delicate after she had grabbed it, crumpled it up and thrown it back in his face.

As she looked into his eyes, dozens of emotions seemed to reflect back at her: fear, uncertainty, lust, affection, anger, regret. She didn't know what to make of it at all but she knew that at the end of this, everything would be different -- and she wasn't so sure it would be for the better.

"I'm sorry, Vala. I'm so sorry."

What did he expect from her? He had just dropped the ultimate bomb on her as the Earth-humans were keen on saying, and he was looking to her for an explanation? Muscles gives his only clue about what happened to them aboard the Odyssey and this is where it gets them? The only emotions that were permeating from her every essence were disappointment and betrayal, the likes of which she thought only fabricated by alien memory implanting device.

When it came to dealing with Daniel and their feelings for each other, life really was too short -- too short to put up with more of this emotional rollercoaster ride. Vala was done.

Daniel watched in disbelief as Vala turned around silently and walked out the door.

_TBC…_


	2. Today Part 1

**Today (Part One)**

"Do you ever get the feeling that you've missed out on something?" he asked out of the blue.

Vala looked up from collecting their gear after their most recent mission. Usually she didn't have much to do on their more mundane recon missions but this one had actually been fun and not mind-numbingly boring as she was used to. Maybe her new-found motivation was an after-affect of their recent brush with Ori-related death. Certainly, the oddity of an aged Teal'c was taking some getting used to. But a particularly keen sense of closeness and camaraderie with the group had made the mission a rare pleasure. They were all sure it would be business as usual before long so they were going to enjoy it.

Vala was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice that Daniel was peering at her expectantly. She thought he had meant the question to be rhetorical and then he'd just proceed to ramble on about whatever philosophical wonder had peaked his curiosity. But it seemed that he was actually looking for an answer.

She grinned at him before returning to her task. "Hmm, Daniel, feeling particularly pensive today?" Daniel grinned at her with uncharacteristic good humor and shrugged. Normally, she would start some kind of playful banter involving innuendo to which she suspected he was becoming increasingly immune. But something about the wistful way he posed his query had her wanting to give him a good answer. "I guess with many of the things I've been through in my life, I've gotten that feeling from time to time."

Vala noticed that Daniel's brow had furrowed into that cute little expression he got when he was worried. But she smiled at him letting him know that his question hadn't upset her. Daniel acknowledged Vala's accepting expression while internally chastising himself for his question. Having been locked inside her own mind as host to a goa'uld, of course she had had that feeling. He felt like an idiot.

"Why do you ask?" Vala inquired kindly.

Daniel stopped for a moment in deep thought and then resumed organizing the items in front of him. "I don't know," he replied nonchalantly. "I guess not knowing what happened during those 50 years we were stuck on the Odyssey has still got me worked up."

Vala laughed knowingly. "See, I'm not the only one dying of curiosity. It would be that stubborn Muscles who gets to be the keeper of the untold adventures of SG-1"

He chuckled and grabbed the box of items to take back to his office. "I know what you mean. If it had been you with all the untold secrets of that time, I'm sure we would have had a full briefing already on all the gossip from those 50 years." Vala moved to punch him in the arm, which he successfully dodged. But she was grinning because she knew that he was absolutely right. "It's just that when we were in the gate room and you said something about life being too short--I don't know, it just got me thinking. I bet being stuck on that ship pushed that proverb to its grave."

"Can you imagine?" Vala exclaimed, following Daniel down the hall with their remaining personal items. "We were probably at each others' throats!"

"I don't know. I imagine you could grow on a guy in 40 or 50 year," he responded with laughter in his eyes. Vala punched him in the arm again, this time making contact and causing him to almost drop the box he was carrying. He scowled for a moment and then flashed her a lopsided grin, which seemed to only further flame her temper.

"Don't you flash those dimples at me! You deserved that." He didn't protest but noticed the amusement in her eyes. They reached his office a moment later and he deposited the box safely on his table. He'd deal with the contents later.

"Speaking of Teal'c, I almost forgot that I needed to talk to him about something. So I'll catch you later then?" He tried to keep the anticipation out of his question although he was sure he had failed miserably.

"What for?" She asked casually and without her usual prodding for once.

"I don't know," he shrugged and turned to leave. "He just said he needed to return something to me." Luckily, Vala was already preoccupied with checking her email to see if she had won anything off of Ebay.

"Ok, see you later. Try to squeeze some info out of Muscles will you?"

"Will do," he said backing up out of the room and then turning down the hall. Before he left the doorway though he glanced back at her, watched her as she tied her hair back into those 2 ponytails that she favored and blowing her bangs out of her face in the process. He was filled with warmth as he saw her smile at something she read -- another silly forward from Sgt. Rodriguez no doubt. She loved those. He shook his head to clear the direction that his thoughts were going and headed out to meet his friend.

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Teal'c answered his door a moment after Daniel knocked with his usual efficiency.

"Hey Teal'c, what's up? What did you need to return to me because I have to admit that I don't remember you borrowing anything of mine."

"DanielJackson, I appreciate your prompt compliance with my request." As Daniel stood by the door, Teal'c walked further into the room and retrieved something from his bedside table. "What I have to give you is from the DanielJackson that I spent the last 50 years with on the Odyssey."

Daniel stared at Teal'c in shock, not expecting this turn of events. "Uh, I thought you told us all of the tactical information that we needed to know about that time," he sputtered suddenly fearful of whatever it was that Teal'c had in his hand.

"Indeed." The older Jaffa smiled a bit at Daniel's discomfort at having been thrown off guard. "However, this is not of an official or tactical nature. It is more…personal."

Daniel was in complete shock so, of course, his natural inclination was to ramble. "But I thought we weren't supposed to know anything about what happened on the Odyssey, you know, because it might affect things adversely in this timeline. I mean, I can't even consider all of the paradoxes that might result if we were to know the things that happened. And certainly if we tried to change them then it could result --"

"DanielJackson!" Teal'c interrupted before the archaeologist had the chance to really get going. "I do not give you this message lightly. However before we initiated the plan to reverse time in the localized field onboard the Odyssey, you approached me with a request to give you this letter should we be successful." It was then that Daniel noticed the envelope that Teal'c carried in his hand. "I initially disagreed with your desire to introduce this information into the present timeline but you can be very…"

"Persuasive?" Daniel offered?

"Stubborn is the term I believe is more accurate." Daniel's face fell at the characterization. "As well as persuasive, DanielJackson. Your reasons for this were compelling. I believe that this course of action is the correct one. Please accept this. You may not wish to read it right away or even at all. However, I believe it is important that you read the message that your former self felt it was necessary to pass on to you at great peril to this timeline. He -- and I -- obviously thought it of consequence." He reached out to Daniel and bowed as he presented him with the mysterious envelope that held so much in the balance.

The perplexed look remained on Daniel's face as he took the letter Teal'c handed out, albeit a little reluctantly. He couldn't imagine what would have been so important that he'd ask Teal'c to violate protocol in such a serious way. To say he was in shock was putting it mildly. He turned to leave with the letter now in his hands although he couldn't handle the idea of opening it just yet.

"DanielJackson," Teal'c called softly after him. Daniel turned around to meet the concerned gaze of his old friend. "Although I cannot tell you more than what is in your letter, I would like you to know that however you decide to proceed, I will support you. I merely wish to see you happy."

Daniel just stared at Teal'c, so many questions written across his face. "Thanks," he replied absently and wandered out of the room towards his own on-base quarters. He didn't want to go back to his office just yet in case Vala was still there and was in the mood to quiz him about the visit. He needed to process this development before he shared this new information with anyone.

_TBC…_


	3. Yesterday Part 1

**Yesterday (Part One)**

_**Year One**_

Incidentally, it was as if a goa'uld had taken over him when he completely overreacted to Vala's latest advances. Having those harsh words coming out of his mouth seemed like an out of body experience and once he got started, the tirade wasn't going to stop until it had run its course.

And the entire time he was just pretending. That was the worse part. Pretending like he wasn't used to Vala's advances in general -- like her overtures weren't expected given their situation and how close they had steadily become. Pretending like he couldn't feel her growing devastation as he continued to belittle her and tear her down piece by piece. Pretending to ignore the sincerity in her eyes as she adopted his words of despair as her hope faded away. Pretending like he didn't want it too but unlike her, was too afraid to reach for it.

He heard her quietly get up off his bed and leave and he pretended to ignore that too. His remorse was great but his fear was greater. He immediately realized that he needed to apologize but also needed to think and right now, he was too worked up to figure out how to fix this.

Months later, he remembered that afternoon so clearly in his mind. At that moment, fear had been stronger than the promise of love. And now, pride was stronger than the power of regret.

Every day after "that" day was a reminder of how wrong he had been. Each day marked another day that he wanted to go back and change things. Everything felt wrong -- like things had gotten off track. But he couldn't go back and the gulf between them turned into an insurmountable chasm that, after a while, offered no hope of being crossed.

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Vala was in a daze as the tears continued to stream down her face. She thought he had wanted it too, that he had finally given in to their undeniable mutual attraction. She knew he was scared, hell, she even realized that in a panic, he likely hadn't meant the awful things he said to her. Well, maybe he hadn't meant some of it. The rest? She just didn't know.

She couldn't read this situation, couldn't process it. There was no doubt that Daniel was one of the most compassionate, intelligent and noble men that she had ever had the pleasure of getting to know in her tumultuous life. From the beginning, he had shown her a pure kind of humanity and even at his grumpiest, he had always shown her respect.

It was one of the many reasons that against her instincts, personal philosophy and better judgment, she had fallen so hard for him.

She had seen so many shades of Daniel -- frustrated, annoyed, and down-right angry. But she never knew him to be cruel. And no matter what the motivation, just a few short moments ago, he had been cruel. Even if he thought she had been messing with him -- and he would be an idiot for thinking that after all they had been through and were presently going through -- the things he had said were…overwhelming. Maybe he would apologize; maybe he would justify his words but one thing was for sure -- their relationship would never be the same again. After the things he had said to her, there really was nowhere for them to go.

Months later, she never fully understood what had happened between them and Daniel certainly had made no attempt to offer an explanation. Sure, her approach hadn't been ideal but it was the only thing she knew. Thinking back on it, she hadn't flirted with him for moths before their time on the Odyssey, having mellowed given their various life threatening situations. She truly did not understand how Daniel could think that she was using him for a laugh as he had put it. But she wasn't equipped with the experience or knowledge of how to do anything differently than she had. She thought Daniel had been ready but his violent rejection was just another example of why she should never let her guard down.

It wasn't that she hated him or purposely chose to be cold just to spite him. It was that she would under no uncertain terms ever open herself up to anyone again like she had with Daniel. Unfortunately, he was her weakness so he paid the heaviest price. As soon as Sam was able to right time, she had some serious thinking to do about her future.

_**Year Ten**_

Vala bounced away from General Landry's doorway after spending the afternoon helping him tend to his beloved plants. Probably because of her presence, he had been feeling especially up to the task, a condition that was starting to become less and less frequent as his health problems increased. Of course, Vala was all too happy to assist since she had early on been tasked with giving the General a hand when he needed it.

They had gotten quite close during their time aboard the ship. Sam was like a friend and confidante to him but Vala's youthful exuberance even, at her age, made her seem like a surrogate daughter. It was something Hank needed in his life since he missed his Carolyn so much. They had been just getting things back on track when their current debacle arose. He would always regret the time he spent away from her when it would have been so easy to just be her loving dad. Nevertheless, he was proud of the woman and doctor she had become. He had hoped to see her again one day but it was looking less and less like that was a viable possibility as their time on the Odyssey stretched on. He knew Sam was doing her best though.

But if he couldn't be there for Carolyn, he could be there for Vala and that was a great comfort to him. She was suffering the worst out of all of them--even worse than Mitchell. After all, she was the outsider amongst the group with everyone having known each other for at least a few years before Vala was part of the team. And she hated to be cooped up more than anyone. She had been reasonably under control at the SGC even though she got cagey from time to time. Being stuck on the ship dangling in space was like torture to a free spirit such as Vala.

After whatever it was that had happened between her and Jackson, she became pretty detached. Something had broken in her and he never again saw that sparkle in her eye that used to be so amusing to her teammates. She put up a good front but it wasn't fooling anyone. Vala was unhappy. Dangerously unhappy. And Jackson was no better. He wanted to do whatever he could to keep her spirits up and her self-destructiveness at bay.

As Vala passed along her final wave, Landry hoped that she would find an outlet for herself after he was gone. If they ended up spending the rest of their lives on the ship, he knew that he would likely be the first to pass on. But like a good commanding officer, he had more worry for the people he would be leaving behind.

_**Year Fourteen**_

Alone. That's how Mitchell felt generally about being stuck on the Odyssey in this stupid time dilation field. Always the loneliness, but especially on mornings like these.

They did this just to get by; just to make it through another few weeks or months. She never stayed. Not once. He understood really. He might have wanted something more back in the beginning but not now. Vala was a different person.

He knew about what had happened between Vala and Daniel. He thought about trying to get them back together even if it were just as friends but the idea seemed too daunting. It was awkward and painful anytime anyone had even remotely addressed the subject.

When Vala had first propositioned him years ago -- and that's all that her invitation could be characterized as -- he had been stunned and surprised and a little scared. Of course he had always thought she was hot as hell and they were pretty friendly even though they bickered like siblings. But he had never been interested in her brand of drama and Jackson seemed to be the only one in her sights. He had to admit that the many years on the ship made him a little desperate for female companionship. And when she had arrived at his doorstep wearing that outfit and coming on to him like she had, well, he was putty in her hands.

And the sex was good. Very, very good.

But she was always gone after a little while, never staying for an extended length of time. Even after years of secret rendezvous', they told each other that they were just scratching an itch. Neither of them had ever let on about their occasional hook-ups to anyone, Vala probably because of the Daniel factor and the extreme detachment that she had adopted since her falling out with him. Mitchell just went along with it not wanting to make more of it than there was. He sometimes thought he wouldn't mind something a little more intimate and open with Vala, however, he knew that it was likely more trouble than it was worth. Under different circumstances, they probably could had some good times together -- not that their trysts weren't good but they were using each other plain and simple. It wasn't meant to be.

Still, sometimes after they were together and he'd look down into her sleeping form, he'd know how unhappy she was and he wished that he could make it better for her, if only as a good friend. It was hard to see her living the way that she was -- hurting but hiding it. Sometimes, she'd give herself away and he'd see or hear evidence of her tears when she thought he was asleep. In those moments, he pictured himself holding her and soothing her, telling her that everything would be fine. In those moments, he had the impulse to share with her his loneliness. Maybe if they truly shared their feelings they could find something in that union that would make things better.

Of course, he never gave into those impulses. They felt wrong somehow and he could never shake the feeling that it was Jackson that should be taking her in his arms and soothing her demons. After all this time, they both wore their misery like a second skin. It was too late for them.

Last night hadn't been any different. He lay awake watching her until he drifted off to sleep. When he woke up, she was gone as if she had never even come through his door, pushing him onto the bed and doing things to him from fantasies he had never even contemplated. They couldn't go on like this forever. But for the time being, it was going to have to be enough for both of them.

_**Year Nineteen**_

Sam walked slowly down the hall to Daniel's "lab" also known as the ship's database access room. No doubt he'd be spending another day immersed in the Asgard database. She would have thought he'd have run out of things to research after all these years but if that was the case, he didn't let on. He still went into his room every day at the same time, coming out only for meals and random, whimsical excursions around the ship. Of course the last few months, he had been especially scarce but that was understandable. It was all becoming too much for her to handle too. But Daniel wore so many shades of guilt and regret on his sleeve that it was difficult even to be in the same room as him. Of all of them, he took Vala's death the hardest.

Not that it was any easier for the rest of them to get over their former teammate. Landry said that even his plants missed her and with his health failing so steadily and swiftly, the sense of despair was overwhelming amongst their small crew. The worst part about it was that her death had been so senseless. They could have prevented it if any one of them had cared to look after her. If would have taken only one of them to have been there for her when she needed them the most.

But Sam didn't want to think about that anymore and certainly couldn't entertain that train of thought before going to see Daniel. She had had a moment of blaming him for Vala's death knowing that both Vala's depression and his had come from some fallout between that two of them that had happened pretty early on in their trip. She figured that they would patch things up like always but as the days stretched into weeks stretched into years, it was clear that something had been altered forever. She had considered trying to get them to resolve things but after a while it just seemed so impossible. So they continued to suffer in silence, Daniel with his studies and Vala with her false enthusiasm and elusiveness.

Sam reached the door to Daniel's lab and took a deep breath. She knew it would be another fight to get her friend to take a meal with them and do something besides bury himself in his work. But she had to because right now, they all needed each other if they were going to get through this. In the end, each other was all they had in this journey.

_TBC…_


	4. Yesterday Part 2

**Yesterday (Part Two)**

_**Year Fifty**_

Daniel paced in front of the door for the 15th time trying to build up the coherent thoughts he needed to speak with Teal'c. He couldn't boast the same gracefulness with which the Jaffa had aged so he had to collect his energy and focus on the task at hand. This would be the most important and crucial request he ever remembered making. He had no idea if Teal'c would be even remotely receptive to his idea. He sure as hell hoped so because his entire life, and Vala's, depended on it.

It hurt Daniel to think about those years after she had died. Everyone had been broken up and there had been an emptiness in him that made him feel like a different person. He had endured loss and tragedy before, certainly with his wife, his parents and the friends and loved ones he had lost in the years since the Stargate program had changed his life. But something about the defeat inherent in Vala's death was different. Maybe it was the culmination of all that loss in his life and he had reached his breaking point.

No. More likely, his guilt was eating him alive from the inside out.

Daniel remembered the accusations that both he and Cam had thrown at each other the day she died. They had been bitter and doing their damnedest to hurt each other. Sam and Teal'c had been there too but in their sadness and shock at how quickly the conversation turned vitriolic, they were slow to react to the escalation of tensions. Thankfully, General Landry had left about 15 minutes before to rest and deal with the difficult news. His fragile health wouldn't have been helped by witnessing their breakdown. The two men eventually got over those grief-induced words but it took some time. For better or for worse, time was all they had in the years after that.

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"_She shouldn't have been alone," Daniel mumbled almost to himself, breaking the silence of the group. _

_Cam looked over at Daniel from where he was propped up in the corner of the room, arms crossed. "She'd done it a million times. No one thought it would come to this. Besides, who would you suggest should have been with her Jackson," he growled out accusingly. Before they got stuck on the Odyssey, it was understood that when it came to the team, Daniel and Vala had each other's back. But in the last few years, Daniel was the last person you'd find in their feisty alien's company. _

"_Just what the hell is that supposed to mean," Daniel retorted back none too nicely, understanding exactly what Mitchell was implying. _

_Cam brushed off Daniel's annoyed tone. "All I'm saying is that it's not like anyone here was in the habit of volunteering to give her a hand. She was usually on her own." They all had the good sense to look a little sheepish at that remark. Even though Vala was probably even more miserable stuck on the Odyssey than anyone, she at least tried to make herself useful. It wasn't unusual to find Vala helping Landry out with his "space greenhouse", brainstorming with Sam -- or at least giving her some distance every now and again with some comic relief, making the rounds with Teal'c or cheering on him and Cam as they sparred. She'd sit in one of the fighter planes with Cam and talk him through flight simulations when he was feeling particularly cagey. Even given the fairly icy relationship between her and Daniel, she still stopped by his lab occasionally to drop off some fresh coffee. _

_And for all that trouble, she couldn't even get anyone to tag along on her routine manual check of the ship's auxiliary relay junctures, even if it was just for the company. When the residual power trapped in one of the circuit boards had exploded on her, killing her instantly, no one had a clue. It wasn't until 2 days later when Daniel of all people had inquired about her that they had searched the ship and found her cold body, a solitary figure in the sterile corridor near the Odyssey's control center. _

_None of them could bear to think about her body laying there for those many hours. Four of them were thankful they hadn't been the one that found her. It was Teal'c that would have the weight of that image engrained in his memory forever. _

"_That's what I'm talking about--somebody should have been with her." Daniel responded. Mitchell may have had a point, but now was hardly the time for those types of regrets. He had too many other ones cluttering up his conscious._

"_And what I'm saying is that who the hell was that person going to be? What do you even care Daniel? It's not like you gave a rat's ass about her anyway" he shot back bitterly. Cam knew it was unfair but he couldn't stop himself from lashing out at Daniel for all the pain he perceived him to have caused Vala while she was alive. _

_Daniel blanched and turned towards the Colonel. "You're out of line! How dare you say something like that to me after everything I went through with her." Even if relations between himself and Vala hadn't been ideal onboard the ship, there was no denying that he thought a great deal of her; had gone to bat for her time and time again because of what she brought to the team and to his life in particular. Of course, hindsight was just that and his guilt at not making things right with her flamed even brighter. _

_But Cam wasn't considering that part of the argument. "Right, right! Always such a nuisance to the great and noble Daniel Jackson. Well, now you have her permanently out of your hair."_

"_You have no right to say any of this to me. You can go straight to hell for it." Daniel's voice was surprisingly cold but in reality, he was near tears with grief. But Cam was oblivious to this as he picked at Daniel's wound, thinking that making Daniel feel worse might help with his own sense of helplessness. _

"_I don't answer to you Jackson. You're the one that's going to have to live with yourself for how things were with the two of you; that she left this life so unhappy because of you." Sam gasped at the accusation and Teal'c rolled his eyes clearly communicating his disapproval of such a low blow._

_Daniel himself couldn't believe that Mitchell was saying these things to him. He had a lot of nerve, especially given his suspicions about Mitchell and Vala. "Oh really? Is that the reason you've been fucking her all this time?" Cam winced at that statement, rage rapidly rising towards the linguist. "Who's the noble one now, Colonel? I'm sure she was so grateful for your pity." The moment the words left his mouth, he wished he had held his tongue. But Cam was already on him like lightening, tackling him to the ground. Teal'c and Sam jumped in separating the two men but it was an effort now that they were both so riled up. _

_Cam was continuing to struggle, seemingly oblivious to the solid hold in which Teal'c held him. "Don't you dare talk about her like that! Not after everything you said to her that night. That's what fucked everything up between the two of you and you know it." Sam and Teal'c noticed that nowhere in Cam's response was there a denial to Daniel's accusation. But they only had a moment to reflect on that given what information was unfolding about what had happened between Daniel and Vala to make them so distant since the beginning of their trip._

_Daniel on the other hand froze in Sam's hold and stiffened at Cam's reference. There was no need for him to clarify which night he was referring to. There wasn't a week that passed that he didn't think about how things had changed since that damn day. "What did she tell you?" he said with cold resolve. "What the hell do you know about anything having to do with Vala and me?" Both Sam and Teal'c looked on with wariness, too curious but exhausted to put a stop to the two men's quarrel. _

"_She didn't have to tell me anything. I heard everything myself, Daniel. Everything." Daniel looked into Cam's eyes and knew he spoke the truth. With that realization, a new sense of regret and shame rushed through him. His whole body sagged in defeat. "I was running by on my jog when I heard the yelling. I stopped to see what the big bruhaha was and I got an earful alright. Besides, when Vala, who's lived through as much crap as life can throw at you, comes running out of the room of the oblivious man she'd been head over heels for and she's bawling her eyes out, it doesn't take a genius, even of your caliber, to understand what's going on."_

_Daniel forced himself from Sam's loose grasp and turned his back on the group after hearing Cam's words. Every detail from that encounter was rushing back into his mind in full force. _

_Cam continued, a lot calmer but no less bitter. "I sat with her all night while she cried over you. You know, I thought you'd apologize after a few days when you realized that you were just scared and lashing out at her. But you never did. I never understood that. And now you'll have to live with yourself knowing that she died thinking that you thought so little of her. That you thought her affections were a joke." He practically spat Daniel's words back at him. "She died believing that you didn't trust her and that she wasn't good enough for you to love…not in a million, million years, isn't that how you put it?" Cam asked sarcastically. Sam and Teal'c turned silently to Daniel, hoping for some kind of explanation that would prove Cam's accusations wrong. _

_But all they got was a guilty looking Daniel that all but confirmed Cam's diatribe. In fact that last part had especially stung. Daniel conceded that Mitchell was absolutely right. Vala died believing the worst about herself because he was a coward. There was no getting over that. He walked away from his friends and teammates, head hanging in shame. _

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Finally having stopped his pacing, an aged and tired Daniel stood in front of his friend's door. He straightened up as much as his old bones would allow, new resolve in his task. He had to make things right.

He knew that it was going against every regulation that he had been briefed on with the SGC but he had missed out on a lifetime of happiness, or at least the possibility of happiness with Vala because he had been too much of a coward to tell her how he really felt. It was easier to lash out at her and hurt her first before she could make a fool out of him. But she hadn't hurt him. She had only cried over his awful words and rightfully walked out on him.

It was right then that he should have gone after her. But he had let pride keep him from ever making that terrible transgression up to her. Now he was standing there so lonely without her and redemption so close at hand. Teal'c was his only chance to put things back where they should.

_TBC…_

_**Author's Note: I won't keep you all in suspense for too long. This story is almost finished -- only 2 more chapters to go -- and should be ready after a little editing. I hope you're enjoying this dark little tale so far and I promise to give you some kind of resolution for our team soon. **_


	5. Today Part 2

_**Author's Note: Thank you to all of the reviewers of this story for your wonderful feedback. You guys are the best. I apologize profusely for any dangling typos/errors. They drive me crazy too!**_

**Today (Part Two)**

Teal'c was dealing with a dilemma. A few short days ago, he had been risking his life to ensure that he and his team escaped the accursed time dilation field on the Odyssey. It required that he not only remain 50 years older when they were returned to real time, but that he not speak of the events that had occurred during that entire period for the rest of his days. He did not regret for a moment volunteering for the task but it was the latter requirement as it related to DanielJackson and ValaMalDoran that was causing him much anxiety.

DanielJackson's impassioned request during their last hour on the Odyssey should have been dismissed outright. But the linguist could be quite a formidable opponent when it came to his powers of persuasion. And ultimately, he did not know if DanielJackson's request would even make a difference.

Teal'c paced back and forth, looking at the envelope that DanielJackson had given him right before they had prepared to put their plan into action on the ship. At the time he received it, he was experiencing considerable difficulty concentrating on the correct course of action given the stakes of the pending mission. Reluctantly, he had picked up his friend's letter and placed it in his pocket, thinking that he simply needed distance and perspective to clearly consider the most appropriate decision. At the time, it had seemed an acceptable choice to take the letter with him and decide if and when the circumstances arose. After all, no matter how much he hoped for success with ColonelCarter's plan, there was no denying that failure would mean that he would not have to contend with this difficult task. But his satisfaction for how events had transpired did not make his present situation any easier.

Taking these unique circumstances into consideration, Teal'c believed that an attempt to correct a mistake from the past was not necessarily meant to be resolved in such a way. In the Jaffa's mind, each individual was meant to live with the decisions that he or she makes. Regret over one's actions could be a toxic thing but it was also a necessary part of life. Hopefully, one learns from the experience and can find ways to recover that satisfy their soul's true purpose. However, defying time and space did not appear to be one of the options that should be available for this endeavor. True, both ValaMaldoran and DanielJackson had been quite adept at defying life's conventional rules. It was one of the many endearing commonalities that made them such a compatible pair. But he did not know if he wanted to be a part of DanielJackson's latest plan to circumvent destiny.

On the other hand, it had been most distressing to live with DanielJackson and ValaMalDoran while they had been aboard the ship. It became almost unbearable after ValaMalDoran's passing and there had been nothing more painful than finding her body after the accident, lying broken and alone in that hallway. While she he had been living, he had often wondered what he could do to make things better for them as they were clearly hurting. However, there was always something that kept each of his teammates from intervening whether it was due to distraction, denial or simple hope that the two would find their own way back to each other. Over time, no matter how upset he was about the situation, he remained at an uncharacteristic loss as to how to bring his friends back together, their relationship seemingly irreparable.

Since they had met, he had noticed that the two were each other's strengths and were happier and more alive when they were working together as friends and teammates. Their falling out made them different, weaker and sadder individuals. It was particularly disturbing to see the changes in ValaMalDoran who, in the past, had experienced such unbelievable horrors and misfortunes in her life and had still found the fun and spirit in living each day to the fullest. Whatever had happened between her and DanielJackson had clearly broken her. As for DanielJackson, Teal'c was saddened that his friend was denied the kind of love he so clearly deserved. The two tragic friends had both lived their lives as the victims of their own fear.

But things were different now that time had been reversed and his teammates restored to their lives as planned. And Teal'c still had a decision to make.

He thought about seeing ValaMalDoran's beaming smile earlier in the day and how he had missed that sight. He then flashed back to the ceremony on the Odyssey in honor of her passing. He thought of the vacancy in DanielJackson's eyes during that ceremony when he said his last goodbye to her. Years later as a very old man, he would practically beg him to help right a grave wrong and absolve his conscious from the hell he had created for himself.

Decision made, Teal'c sighed and hung his head in resignation as he exited his quarters. He would participate in the plan to bring his two dear friends back together in the current timeline where he had not been able to before. But even DanielJackson, past or present, was sure to know that this course of action guaranteed nothing. Indeed, there was no assurance that his delivery of a message and the pressure that it could cause would not simply make things much worse than either expected.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**One Week Later**_

Daniel looked down at the piece of paper in front of him, various languages and dialects combining to create the most emotionally crippling message he could have ever imagined writing to himself. He had read the letter dozens of times and even a week after receiving it, he was no closer to figuring out what the hell he was supposed to do with this new and shocking information about himself.

He had examined the situation from every possible angle, contemplating every course of action that would take into consideration the concerns of this alternate Daniel Jackson. He thought of going to General Landry with the information or to one of his oldest friends in either Jack or Sam. He thought of returning to Teal'c so that he could try to force some more information or advice from him -- not that it was likely to do any good. He had successfully avoided Vala for most of the week without raising much suspicion because seeing her just confused the hell out of him. But he knew that it couldn't last. He was going to have to make a decision.

At first, he tried to question whether the letter was even really from him. Of course, such a denial was absurd given that Teal'c wasn't in the habit of deceiving him and that probably hadn't changed in 50 years. And the letter was vintage Daniel—no video recordings or audio devices accepted as he was a man of ancient techniques. Only he would think to write a letter so linguistically unique in a way that he alone would understand it. So, he had no real doubt as to the authenticity of the letter. But while he knew that Daniel Jackson had authored the letter, it felt like it was penned by a complete stranger at the same time. Of course, living on a ship for 50 years amongst the same 5 people with the desperate, unending hope of returning home would no doubt alter him. He was sure it didn't matter if the 5 people involved were colleagues and friends that he loved and respected.

And then there's being stuck with Vala and the changes that would have brought about in him. There was no denying the shame and guilt that went into the letter he had written himself. It had brought tears to his eyes thinking about what had happened between him and Vala -- and that it was pretty much his fault. The scariest part was that he could see himself saying all of those hurtful things no matter how much he wanted to believe that he was above it. He knew how he dealt with his fears and insecurities especially when it came to romantic intimacy issues -- and especially when that involved Vala. Lashing out was not outside of the norm if he was particularly agitated. And on the Odyssey, things had been pretty desperate. Frustrations had run high and hope was the only thing they had to rely on day in and day out. Things were far from perfect in his timeline -- the Ori were still a threat, Adria was still a very dangerous question mark and the universe was far from liberated in terms of the Lucian Alliance, the Replicators and the Wraith. But he didn't feel hopeless like he knew he would have if he had been stuck on that ship.

There was so much overwhelming emotion in every part of that letter. It was painful to read about the way Vala had died thinking the things she did about herself because of his careless words -- or at least that his other self had lived with this perception of the situation. It stung to hear that she had turned to another for such raw intimacy when they had shared a cherished closeness that hadn't needed to be sexual. The way that everyone else had let it fester into this disease that destroyed them both was utterly disappointing, although he couldn't really blame them for that given how dire the situation was. The years and years of loneliness that he felt from himself between every line was almost palpable.

All the same, even without the dirty details, he knew that Vala and his other self hadn't deserved the lives that they lived aboard that god-awful ship. And if his message to himself was any indication, making things better in his timeline was the only way that his soul would right itself.

Was his love for Vala staring him in the face or is this just the romantic notions exaggerated by a lonely old man who had refused to take advantage of companionship when it had offered itself? Was the letter the result of a half-senile madman's rantings or the wise advise of a seasoned elder? He honestly didn't know and Teal'c couldn't answer that question for him. What good was all this disclosure now? What was he supposed to do with this information? Things were already so much different than in that timeline, or so he liked to think. Maybe he was meant to do nothing and the knowledge given to him would keep things from ever getting as bad as it had on board the Odyssey. Still, to send that message of regret and guilt and even hope across time and space seemed like something that should not be denied.

At times, he wished that Teal'c had made a different choice and had refused his older self's request. Hell, sometimes he cursed himself for putting him in this position too. This situation was insane!

But after countless hours of reflection, Daniel had to admit that despite any identity crisis inducing or time paradox implications of the letter he was staring at, only one thing mattered. In the end, he knew that there were circumstances where his fear would get the best of him. No one would be proud of that, but it's human nature and he didn't blame his other self for it, figuring that the self-blame had already run its course during that timeline. Either his or Vala's pasts could get the best of them in any timeline. In the end, he could be true to himself and true to his friendship with Vala in a way that the other Daniel felt he couldn't in all those years they had together to make things right.

In the end, it came down to how he felt about Vala in this exact moment, in his timeline. And just the mere thought of his dark-haired, pain in the ass partner-in-crime had him grinning with the possibilities, much as he had just moments before meeting with Teal'c. In the end, what did he have to lose?

Decision made, Daniel smiled broadly to himself. He grabbed the letter from his desk, folding it carefully and placing it in his pocket before exiting his quarters. He had a beautiful, wonderfully annoying and infinitely loveable alien to see.

_TBC…_


	6. Tomorrow Part 2

_**Author's Note: Thanks for staying with me and thanks for harassing me into finishing up my stories. I lost my hand-written version of this chapter and wasn't inspired to re-do it, which equals long delay. It's such an important part of the story, and the first idea I had before writing and I wanted to get it right. I'm very proud of it, not because I think I succeeded or that it's so great but because it's one of the few things I've written in one sitting and without weeks of edits with my beta (who I am so grateful has had time lately to make my writing as finished as I can get it).**_

_**I hope you all enjoy and keep your fingers crossed that my muse pulls up a comfortable seat and stays in my head for a while. One more chapter to go!**_

_**-Y-**_

**Comes Back Around**

**Tomorrow (Part 2)**

Unfortunately, finding Vala to declare his love for her was proving to be a challenge. Because he had been avoiding her all week, he really had no idea what she might be up to and where she was likely to be spending her time. Teal'c and Sam were both off base -- Teal'c off-world and Sam at Area 51 on business -- so she couldn't be with them. He tried her room and his office first to see if she was hanging out there but no luck. She wasn't anywhere near the gate room or General Landry's office, so Walter reported. He tried the mess hall and Sam's lab but both leads came up empty. He didn't think she'd be hanging out with Mitchell, although after reading the letter from his future self, that notion might need some reassessment. Notwithstanding, he had run into Mitchell in the mess hall and he hadn't mentioned any knowledge of her whereabouts. When some of her other buddies such as Sgt. Rodriguez and Airman Young hadn't reported Vala popping in on them that day, he wandered randomly around the SGC occasionally asking someone if they had seen her. No one had.

Accepting defeat for the moment, Daniel slunk back to his office, his excitement a bit deflated. Besides, it was possibly for the best that Vala was uncharacteristically elusive at the moment. It's not like he had planned out anything that he was going to say to her.

"So Vala, you'll never guess who I heard from today…" No that's stupid.

"Vala, I know it's been a long time coming but let's just do this whole… relationship thing." No, that's too direct.

"Vala, apparently we kind of screwed things up on the Odyssey and I think we should make up for that right this second…" Daniel sighed in frustration. "Ugh! This is hopeless." It's not as if any of those things weren't true, it's just that if they were going to figure out how to take the next steps in their relationship then he wanted to start things off right. He sat down at his desk and buried his head in his hands. "No wonder I couldn't get it together on the Odyssey," he mumbled into his folded arms.

"Talking to yourself again, Daniel? And they say I'm the crazy one," Vala joked as she walked into his office. She was her usual exuberant self in the standard BDU pants and black t-shirt. However, with Vala it was all about accessorizing and, trying to ignore his first impulse to look cleavage level, his attention immediately went to the sparkly pendant she wore around her neck to match her hair clip, bracelet and belt buckle. It must be Casual Friday if Vala was sporting her uniform "bling-wear."

While the sight of her was a beautiful relief, he was momentarily filled with panic because now that he had found her -- or she had found him rather -- he still had no idea what the hell he was going to say to her. A few more suggestions passed through his mind only to be dismissed.

Vala simply stared at him with a quizzical smirk. He really was cute when he was hopelessly distracted she thought to herself. It made it that much more fun to rattle his Tau'ri cage.

"Daniel…"

"Oh," was Daniel's clipped response, snapping himself out of his internal monologue. "Hey…"

"Hey yourself. I hear you're looking for me. I'd like to think it was a frantic search filled with desperation and longing but it's probably more like I'm in trouble for doing something unauthorized -- which I deny any involvement in from the outset." Well, she had no idea how close to the truth she was with that flippant comment. But it did disturb him a little that she thought she was in trouble, even if she was just speaking in jest. "'Anywho,'" she said with emphasis, jarring him from his ponderings with the word she had borrowed from him. "I have a sneaking suspicion you've been avoiding me all week so I suppose I'll have to file that in the fantasy category…along with all the others," she added with a saucy toss of her hair.

Daniel grinned at her usual banter, not necessarily surprised that she had picked up on his avoidance. She was pretty perceptive. He supposed she had to be in order to survive the universe as she had. It was one of the many aspects of her character that he appreciated and had come to rely upon in the years they had known each other. He really did believe that her "sex act" was just that -- a convenient cover that was easy and a way to protect herself. He was sure she got a kick out of the role occasionally too, especially when it came to getting under his skin.

"Earth to Daniel!" Vala interjected again. He raised an eyebrow at the reference. "You like that one? I learned it on one of your television shows last week. I rather like it."

Her joyous delight quickened his heart yet again. Boy did he have it bad. He really needed to focus.

"I'm not avoiding you," Daniel offered belatedly. Great. It didn't bode well if he was 5 minutes behind the conversation.

However Vala cut him off, rolling her eyes in the process. "So if you're not avoiding me and I'm not in some kind of trouble," she added while crossing her arms, "then what's up?"

"What's up?" Daniel stalled. Vala nodded at him as if she were carrying on a fascinating conversation with a 3 year old. Daniel smiled nervously and gazed at his perplexed companion. "What do you say we hang out off-base for a little bit?

Vala blinked in surprise at Daniel's suggestion. It wasn't that they didn't spend personal time together off-base on occasion but it was rarely something initiated by Daniel. Usually it either derived from a group outing or was the result of her incessant begging to be let out of her cage at the SGC. While they were solidly friends, Vala had given up a little on her hope that Daniel would someday want something more. But she couldn't bear to completely let that fantasy go so she wasn't about to miss an opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with him.

"Uh, sure. Sounds like fun. When were you thinking? I can check my overflowing social calendar." Vala also couldn't let the moment pass without a dig at how restricted she was at the SGC and the havoc it was wreaking on her social life.

"How about right now," he asked, ducking his head in that tick that was such a Daniel signature.

Vala's light grin broke out into a brilliant smile at his spontaneous suggestion. "Why Daniel, that's definitely an offer a gal can't refuse."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Daniel and Vala spent a pretty perfect day together bumming around Colorado Springs. They first did a little antiquing which Daniel thought very "old-coupley" of them. However, when it's an archeologist and a former thief assessing the value of historical and pricey artifacts, it takes on a whole new meaning. He would give her an assessment of a particular item and she'd try to guess the price or she'd take a crack at figuring out its origins and value for Daniel's approval. It was an interesting way for her to learn about Earth culture and also keep her skills sharp while, of course, Daniel loved to talk about his chosen profession.

After that, they'd hit up the bookstore and settled down at a coffee shop to chat and read their respective purchases. For Daniel, a book on the linguistic development of middle Asian civilizations was on the menu and a new travel guide, this one on Australia, was the choice for Vala. Teal'c had suggested to her that reading travel guides was a good way to get to know Earth and Vala found them immensely helpful. They then went to a pub to grab a bite to eat and a couple of beers while they continued their comfortable conversation.

Throughout the day, Daniel still hadn't found the right way to talk to Vala about the letter or his newly-reasoned feelings for her. He tried to convince himself that the right time would present itself when appropriate but as the day wore on, he wasn't getting the feeling that was the way things were going to unfold. He was just going to have to bite the bullet and plainly explain that he wanted to take a crack at the whole relationship thing. But it had been so nice to spend time with her all day, talking about their thoughts and just being together.

They returned to the SGC and began casually strolling back towards his office. She had insisted that she was okay with him dropping her off before he headed home. But he shrugged off her suggestion, convincing her that he had some things he needed to check in on anyway.

"Daniel," Vala uttered softly. She could tell he was deep in thought and would have paid a small fortune to know what was swimming around in that head of his.

He shifted his head in her direction. "Hmmm?"

She shot a small smile up at him briefly. "Thanks for taking me out today. I had a really good time." Daniel returned her smile and folded her arm onto his while they continued to shuffle down the hallway. "The next time you think about taking a break from all those dusty books in your office, I hope you might want to 'hang out' like that again….with me." The shy way in which she was addressing him definitely gave him date-like vibes and was something he found incredibly appealing. And that wasn't a bad thing at all. He wanted to do a lot more than just "hang out" with her and he needed to tell her that.

They reached his office and he guided her inside, following behind and closing the door. "Yeah, I've been wanting to talk to you about some stuff. I mean, it's related to our time together today."

Vala looked a little worried and unsure, thinking that he was going to pull away from her again. Daniel knew that he had to clear the air between them. "It's just that I've been thinking about life being too short you know and with everything that's going on around us, I just…" He looked up at her and stared at her beautiful yet befuddled face. "Vala, I want to keep having days like this with you. I…I want to be with you. You know if you, uh, were interested. I mean, I don't want to pressure you or anything and you don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with…"

Vala watched Daniel ramble on in disbelief and wonderment. Is he saying what she thinks he's saying; what she's been silently pining for these last few months, hell years. She had been keeping her desires to herself so as not to embarrass or pressure him given their history. She couldn't believe that he actually was considering being with her even given their rocky start and SGC rules and all that. But was that what he was really telling her?

Vala interrupted his rambling with a pointed question in only the way she could deliver it. "So does 'being with me' mean like, uh, dating or 'hooking up' or uh, shagging…" She didn't mean to be cheeky with him but she really was quite confused at the turn of events.

"Well," Daniel replied feigning casualness, "all of the above…maybe?" Vala returned a small smile getting used to the idea a bit.

But the smile disappeared a second later. "Is this a joke or something?" she asked suddenly apprehensive. When Daniel turned to look into her eyes, she realized she didn't actually need a response to that. But he gave her one anyway.

"No joke, Vala. I'm afraid that I'm pretty crazy about you. I'm through denying it, he sighed. "Let's do this." At that admission, she beamed her full 100-watt smile and gently took his hand in hers. Daniel had to admit that he was a little surprised. He expected her to jump into his arms and lay one on him but there was a hint of savoring the moment that he was pleasantly surprised to discover. The sentimental look really suited her.

However, he wasn't nearly so romantic. He pulled her to him and sought out her full and luscious lips that he was more than delighted to devour with his own. Vala sank into his kiss and completed their embrace by sliding her hand up his neck, running her fingers passionately through his hair. They wasted no time getting a taste of each other and after a few moments, let their hands roam freely.

"Oh Daniel, you still taste fabulous, darling."

"You too," he answered with renewed enthusiasm which caused her to pull back in surprise. "What? You didn't think I was paying attention even though you were kicking my ass?"

"Well, it is me," Vala replied saucily and with pride. He raised his eyebrows at her boldness but nodded in agreement, pulling her back to him for some more intense oral attention.

After they had been at it for a few minutes, they realized that a full make-out session in his office probably wasn't the best idea in the world. They slowly let go of each other, both trying to savor the other's taste before stepping back. Then Vala walked over to his desk, putting some distance between them and leaned back on it with her elbows resting on the edge. Daniel wondered if she was aware of how sexy he found her at that moment. Knowing her, she probably did.

"So, what brought this little revelation on?" Vala asked. "Was it my prowess, my persistent affections…?

Daniel wandered over to where she was standing and leaned into her. He figured that distance was the wiser option but he was enjoying her nearness way too much. Their passion for each other realized had been a long time coming, especially if you count the foregone years aboard the Odyssey. He was feeling ecstatic about how things were turning out, almost overwhelmed by his sense of relief. He wanted to share with her the letter to prove his intentions and let her know just how much potential their relationship had, at least in the other timeline. Now that he had put things in motion, he was dying to talk about it with her.

"Actually…" he began. He pulled the letter out of his pocket and lay it next to her on the desk. "I had a little help in that department." Vala looked over his shoulder at the piece of paper. She recognized Daniel's handwriting but couldn't make out the words in the letter except for a few stray alien phrases.

"What's this? Have you been writing love letters about me?" She asked giddily.

"In a manner of speaking, I guess." He returned her smile and tried to find the words to explain the complexity of his last 7 days. "Come here." He motioned for her to lean over his desk to look at the letter that had kept him so preoccupied over the last week. "Remember when I went to go see Teal'c last week because he had to give something to me?" She gave an absent nod still peering at the undecipherable letter. "Remember that you told me to get some info from him?" She looked up at him and nodded more enthusiastically. "Well, I got something alright," he added gesturing toward the papers.

Vala's excitement was threatening to boil over at the implications of his explanation. She looked more closely at the letter again and understanding soon blossomed across her face. "Is this…?"

"From me? Yes. From our time 50 years in the future." She remained silent seemingly delighted but overwhelmed at the new and exciting information. He thought that she should imagine how he had felt the first time he had seen the letter!

"So 'you' wrote 'you' a letter before we, well, blew up and fixed things, right? Daniel that's … Muscles has been so stubbornly tight-lipped about anything, 'of a personal and unnecessary nature' strictly speaking, with no exceptions." She turned around to stare at the wall as she fell into her own deep thoughts. She turned back to him shyly. "What does it say?" If Daniel had been paying more attention, he might have noticed that it seemed she almost didn't want to know, or at least didn't care what it said if it meant that she and Daniel were going to start exploring the romantic side of their relationship.

"I thought you'd never ask," he responded with a grin. "I've been thinking about what to do with it all week --"

"Thus, you ignoring me all week --"

"Well, a little. I guess I was preoccupied a bit. I mean this is big and could change everything. No it _will_ change everything. But I think it'll be for the better and I hope you'll agree. It's just that I was so moved by it and I knew that I had to do something before it was too late." She stared at him with a blank, confused expression as he had babbled on without her having the slightest notion to what he was referring. "Look, it'll make much more sense once you hear what's in the letter. Let me read it to you."

They both leaned back over the desk to study the letter, Vala waiting for Daniel's lovely, deep voice to shed some light on the situation.

"Well," he began. "It reads something like this…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Daniel picked up his pen for the 100th time, still trying to find the right words to put to the paper in front of him. Now that he was determined to convince Teal'c to send a message back to himself, he was at a loss to find the best way to ensure that he would make the right decision in the past. He was going to have to come up with something soon -- they didn't have much longer before attempting their dangerous plan to turn back time.

How do you put into words a lifetime of pain and heartache? How could he explain how empty his world was and how heavy his regret? Since he would essentially be trying to convince himself, it seemed like it would be easy to know what to say. But he felt like that Daniel of 50 years ago was another person entirely -- hard-headed, arrogant and blind about the jewel living right under his nose.

This was so much more challenging than negotiating amongst alien cultures or fast-talking himself and his teammates out of peril. This was personal and affected him so profoundly. No matter how difficult the task, he needed to make his former self understand that everything hinged on him taking a chance on happiness and trusting again. He had the power to save her and in the process, save himself. It was worth reaching across time to accomplish. The alternative was next to unbearable.

With that perspective, he picked up his pen and began to write, pouring everything he had into a plea for survival.

_I know this is strange and maybe I have no right sending you this letter. But if you're reading this, then Teal'c at least thought there was some value in you hearing what I have to say about our team's time here in what I hope is an unrealized future for you. What I have to say is very important to me. _

_They say that you can't turn back time but I'm going to try my damndest to defy that. If I could convey this to you directly, I would but I'm going to have to try to do it through words. Luckily, as you know, words are our forte. And I'm afraid that I need to confess to you -- to us -- so that the heartbreak of my reality never comes to pass. _

_First, let me just say that what you choose to do with my confession is up to you. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. And I have no way of knowing what the circumstances are in the time that you're experiencing. I can only tell you what I went through and what I'm going through and hope that you'll make different choices than I did. Or at least that you don't let things get as bad. _

_I envy you and your possibilities. It has been as bad as you can imagine stuck here for the last 50 years, not that I had it the worst. At least I had the Asgard database to keep me occupied and my best friends in the world to spend the rest of my life with. _

_But for the last 30 years especially, it's been unbearable. You see, in my reality, Vala is dead._ _It was a freak accident while she was doing some routine maintenance on the ship. She didn't feel any pain, or so Sam says. But for the 20 years before that, she felt plenty of pain and I had a lot to do with that when I pushed her away. _

_Early on, I realized that I wanted to be with Vala. I wanted to surrender to her both in body and in mind. I wanted to share myself with her, confide in her, spend my days and nights exploring what we could have together. As you can imagine, I was scared out of my mind about it. I thought I had all the time in the world to turn it around in my head and analyze what I wanted from every possible angle. Vala had propositioned me before on the ship but I just thought she was trying to scratch an itch and I couldn't bear to be some meaningless affair she was using to keep herself sane. She was going stir-crazy and wasn't taking the captivity very well at all. No one was really. But we all kind of dealt with it with each passing day and hoped for the best._

_I was upset all the time about the situation we were in and the sacrifices of the Asgard. But Vala saw what I didn't see; an opportunity to be there for each other. I was scared of what that meant, for us and for the emotions that I had spent so much time holding back. And at a time when she needed me the most, I said some of the most unforgiveable things to her. When she got too close, I called her out on what an emotional wreck she was. I dismissed and minimized her asset to the team and accused her of using me and trying to make a fool of me. It was the same old, tired excuses and I knew it was garbage even as it was coming out of my mouth. I've pictured that argument so many times in my mind and the way that I screamed at her while she just sat there with her back to me and took it, well, it's haunted me every single day. At the time, I thought that if I hurt her, I could protect myself from her hurting me first. It was truly awful, completely unfair to her and ultimately it destroyed us._

_All she wanted was to be with me and finally act on what we were both feeling. Sure her approach hadn't been the greatest and triggered all of my fears but it was understandable. She was just as insecure as I was and I should have known better. Instead of yelling at her, I should have talked to her. Maybe then we would have been able to communicate what we wanted and figured out a way to help each other. She had always been there for me, listening to me and trying to get me to live in her world a little. I just didn't see it and I sure as hell didn't reciprocate. We had been through so much up to that point and I went and threw it all away. She was so much more brave than I was and I broke her._

_The worst part was that I never apologized. At first, I was too ashamed and scared and convinced myself that I had been right in saying what I had said. Then it was just plain, stupid pride. It was a mistake and everyone paid for it. Everyone felt the rift that grew between us but felt powerless to help us find a way back to each other. The heartbreak pushed both Vala and I to the edge and eventually it pushed her into Mitchell's bed, not that either ever admitted it. I got so furious thinking about them being together even thought it was clear that they weren't a couple. But I only had myself to blame for that. And I could have fixed it if I hadn't been such a coward; or if I hadn't caused things to get so bad in the first place. _

_I've spent the last 50 years lonely and bitter and sad. I think about all that we could have shared over the years. All that wasted time without her makes me ill. I'm sure some of it is just the romantic musings of an old man but it's something I'm sure you can understand. Life has been unfair to us when it comes to love. Time never lessened the love and sadness I feel when I think of Sha're. I will always treasure her. Every now and again, I even think of what could have happened with Sarah or Janet. But I had a quirky, complicated, wonderfully frustrating woman that I adored and who adored me, right in front of my face and I let it slip away. I could have spent all that time loving her out in the open. I don't kid myself that things would have been perfect if things had been different between Vala and I but I guarantee that it would have been better. Maybe we would have lived 50 years in love and happy or maybe our relationship would have burned out. But we would have avoided all of that endless, useless pain; and for better or for worse, we would have tried. _

_Like I said, I'm not going to tell you what to do. But the last 50 years have weighed so heavily on me and I need you to know that, yes, things can get worse. I want you to think about all of the things we've seen and discovered, everything that's been lost in our life but everything that's been gained too. You've never let fear dictate you going after what you believe, even when you were ostracized and laughed at, even when you thought that humankind was surely defeated and that forces greater than you would prevail. Just don't let fear get the best of you. I may be old as sin right now but I remember clearly what I was feeling around the time that you're reading this. Whatever your next move, whether it be friendship or more, don't let your insecurities defeat you, don't take your possibilities for granted and don't let yourself live life without her. She's wonderful and she loves you. But I don't have to tell you that -- you know it already. And life is too short. _

_Good luck Daniel and be well._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vala was silent as he finished the letter, in complete shock at what Daniel -- the other older Daniel -- had done.

For his part, even after reading it repeatedly over the last week, Daniel was still moved by the sadness and desperation in his older self's words. He was eager to get Vala's impression of the letter and talk to her about why he had to take a chance on them after reading it. He turned to her but what he saw in her face was the last thing he expected.

She was pissed. Very pissed.

She turned from him and walked across the room, still silent and growing more upset by the second. "So you've had all week to think about this little love note you sent yourself?" she asked in a dangerously cautious tone.

"Uh, yeah," he replied warily. "Vala, what's the matter? I thought you'd be happy about this."

She laughed bitterly at that. "Did you? Because it seems to me, you didn't think about me at all. Not since you had this handy little letter to tell you what to do. Did you think we would go on a date and then sleep together to see if it hurts our working relationship? Are there instructions in there too about how to woo me? Or is this whole flirty, sexual thing a way to have a laugh at my expense, because you know that's my thing not yours, darling," she added cruelly. "It seems your other self has all the answers since he had plenty of time to think about it while he pined away on that damn ship for all eternity."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Daniel was completely perplexed about why she was suddenly so angry with him. She had it all wrong. He loved her. She loved him. Ten minutes ago they were happy and full of possibility. Now he couldn't help but feel that he was riding on the edge of some profound crossroad.

When she came closer to him, he could see that tears had started to form in her eyes and he could feel her start to slip away from him. "I thought we were getting closer Daniel; that you finally wanted to be with me because you've seen that I've changed and because you're proud of me. You're the only one that really knows me. I never suggested that you should have serious feelings for me -- well, at least not lately -- but I thought we were friends and that we worked well together, as unbelievable as that sounds. I thought you could see how much I wanted to be with you."

"'Wanted,' as in past tense?"

"Daniel, if you love me and want to be with me, you should feel it in your every pore like I do. You shouldn't be with me because some desperate letter scares you into thinking your life is going to be miserable if you don't." At that, she crumpled the pages that were still lying on his desk as she grasped them in her hand. "Now," she shouted, "I don't know what to think. Or what to feel." Her shoulders slumped in defeat as she headed towards the door with him right on her heels, grabbing her arm to stall her.

But she wasn't finished with him yet. "All this time I doubted. I thought that maybe you didn't like girls or that you really didn't find me attractive. I know I can be an emotional, unstable wreck but you can't say that you're much better. Maybe it was true that you'd never get over your wife because you didn't want to be hurt that way again. But then I started to feel like maybe you were finally in a place where you could be close to someone again and I just figured that not in a million years was I good enough for you. So I tried so hard to prove to you that I was trustworthy on a professional and a personal level."

"C'mon Vala, give me a break!" Daniel was in a panic at this point. This felt so unbelievably wrong.

"No Daniel! You cheated! I worked for it but you cheated. All the self-doubt, all the pining, all the misery and all the hoping it would work out? It's been real for me. You? You just read about it in a letter from something that never even happened now and you're right there with me, aren't you?" Her condescending tone cut through him like a knife. "Have you even imagined what a relationship with me would be like?"

The tears were streaming down her face now and it was breaking Daniel's heart. "Please don't do this," he pleaded.

"You started this, Daniel, don't do what?" she spat out angrily. "No, don't worry about it. I can't take anymore of this. We are so opposite and wrong for each other and the worst part is that you know that and you still got taken in by that letter. I'm sorry that I'm not more appreciative of your little overture and I'm so sorry that I didn't swoon over your little message from beyond. But let's stop pretending that this," she said waving her fingers between the two of them, "is anything real."

She realized that she was still holding the letter, crumpled in her hand. She looked down at the pages with sadness for all the trouble it had caused. Then her eyes blazed with anger and hurt and she swiftly threw them back in Daniels face. She opened the door but paused and turned back to him before storming out of his office. "Wait. I know you're acting like your feelings are hurt but just answer me one question. Would you have done any of this today, the whole date, let's have a relationship thing, if you hadn't gotten that letter? Should I believe that you could have any kind of serious feelings for me? And be honest because I deserve to know the truth."

Daniel considered her question and he just didn't know. He was so overwhelmed by what she had just said. It was making him second-guess almost everything. Well, not everything. He knew that he loved her and wanted to be with her. He had thought about it all week. But would he really be there right now if he hadn't been pushed from the unseen future? Would he have recreated this day together with her a week from now; a month; a year? Or would he have let her slip through his fingers, content to remain friends. From the way things were turning out, the latter didn't appear to be a bad option.

No, now that he realized he wanted her, nothing else would do. Not falling back on friendship or working as colleagues, and certainly not as enemies. But how could he explain that to her? Dammit his best skill was thinking about words and he was doing a piss-poor job of putting them to use to help himself at the moment.

"Well, Daniel?" Vala asked trying with great difficulty not to lose it in front of him. She had been right; he did know her. She was a runner by nature and she was two seconds from bolting on him.

"Do you want an honest answer to that question? You want to know if I have any serious feelings for you?" he asked tentatively.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What are you trying to say Daniel," Vala sobbed as she stared at the man in front of her. He had a sheet of paper dangling from his shaking fingers, creased and delicate after she had grabbed it, crumpled it up and thrown it back in his face.

As she looked into his eyes, dozens of emotions seemed to reflect back at her: fear, uncertainty, lust, affection, anger, regret. She didn't know what to make of it at all but she knew that at the end of this, everything would be different -- and she wasn't so sure it would be for the better.

"I'm sorry, Vala. I'm so sorry --"

What did he expect from her? He had just dropped the ultimate bomb on her as the Earth-humans were keen on saying, and he was looking to her for an explanation? Muscles gives his only clue about what happened to them aboard the Odyssey and this is where it gets them? The only emotions that were permeating from her every essence were disappointment and betrayal, the likes of which she thought only fabricated by alien memory implanting devices.

When it came to dealing with Daniel and their feelings for each other, life really was too short -- too short to put up with more of this emotional rollercoaster ride. Vala was done.

Daniel watched in disbelief as Vala turned around silently and walked out the door.

_TBC_


End file.
